Stories of Recovery
Stories of Recovery
By Dennis - My Recovery So Far.
I’ve told my story maybe 5000 times so far but this was the first time I was asked to write about it. And while my story is different from every other person with the disease of alcoholism and/or addiction, it is, at the same time familiar.
Long before I drank and used drugs I had a lot of alcoholic symptoms. I was uncomfortable in my own skin and had a sense that everyone had received instructions for life that I had missed. My life was incomprehensible, senseless and without purpose. I had a vague sense of the pain I caused others, but my overwhelming priority was to flee my pain through self-medication. Alcohol and drugs fixed a lot of those issues.
Every few years I would change jobs, apartments, friends, women and start over with a new group. I would continue my behavior, spend their emotional capital and move on again. Finally, when I pleaded for one more day of forbearance I set into motion a chain of events that led me to a new way of life. My girlfriend knew that if there was any hope for me it was at a12-step meeting. So I went to my first meeting and something happened. I was twenty-four years old and the only thing I knew about myself for certain was that I was an alcoholic. Years of isolation and confusion began to drop away as I began to walk the road of recovery with my brothers.
The recovery story is again an old and familiar one to many. I think that there are still layers yet to be revealed to me, but I know now that the greatest gift is that all the senseless and horrible things that I did to those I love, can have a meaning today. I can lend them meaning by passing along the message and, in a small way, begin to repay the debt I owed to those I love, who bore so much for me.
If this story sounds familiar, if one single person relates to it and gets even the smallest inkling of hope, then the gift gets passed along again as it was so freely given to me. Instead of being alone in the dark, I am back in the sunlight of the spirit for another day. Nobody that loves me ever wished for anything else.
By Debbie
At 15, I began experimenting with alcohol and pot with the neighborhood kids. I was riveted by those altered states and sought those experiences; striving to quiet the anger and fear I felt growing up. Full-throttle my lifestyle propelled me in many directions until I began recovery in 1985.
Then, the world I thought I knew crashed around me as I realized the ways I was destroying myself through my alcohol and drug use, my actions and thinking. After years in recovery, it became clear that my drinking and drugging were never about relaxing or socializing but fueled by the part of me that wanted to die. I thank my counselors and groups, 12 Step supports and my Higher Power for teaching me to meet these fears and broken inner places, and for helping me change how I relate to them.
Today I don’t need alcohol or drugs to flee from their shadows. My recovery journey continues to deepen my experience of self and my fullness of living. I wouldn’t miss this adventure for the world! (www.facesandvoicesofrecovery.org/resources)
By Cindy
February 9, 2000. It was the worst of times. I walked into the hospital emergency room, filled with liquor and pills and said to the first nurse I saw “Help me, or my next stop is the bridge”. This wasn’t for dramatic affect. Where I lived is on the Ohio River and we had a bridge. I hated how I felt and had finally reached that ever-elusive bottom. I had lost everything, my home, family, friends, job, dignity and respect. I was homeless thanks to my friend, alcohol.
February 10, 2000. I didn’t know it then but it was the beginning of the best of times. I began my recovery in earnest. It was hard in the beginning, especially in times of stress. I also no longer had my youngest son living with me and his father would not allow me to see him. But somehow I realized I couldn’t get better for my kids, my family or for anyone else. I had to do it for myself, or it would never work.
So I took baby steps in the beginning. I got myself a no holds barred alcohol counselor and got to work. Don’t ever let anyone tell you it is easy, if so they are lying. It takes one day at a time, everyday. I had lost my identity along my journey, so I first had to figure out who I was and what I wanted. I also had a new circle of friends who were also in recovery. I went to seminars, support group meetings; anywhere I could gain the knowledge I needed for this to work.
Over the last 7+ years I have worked hard. But slowly over time it began to work for me. As I got through my first year, I moved to a new city. One year turned to two, then three and I started getting involved with my community. I volunteered for 5 years with one of our local outreach programs that worked with the homeless.
I was hired and worked with young adults, 18-23 who have been used and abused, then thrown away. One of my girls told me” You’re the coolest old person I know, except for this other older guy, but he is dead.” You take your compliments where you can.
I am currently working to start up an outreach for all younger adults, the throwaway kids that are alone and to show them someone does care. It is a difficult task I am undertaking, I know, but I feel I need to do it. If not me, who? If not you, who?
There are things that happened in my life. I have at times, I wished I could change, but if I could, would I be who I am today? No one special, nothing different, but someone who does care and understands the stigma, isolation, embarrassment, degradation and discrimination one feels going through our journeys. There will always be those who see us the way they need to see us. Who cares? As long as we know for ourselves. We need to become activists for ourselves, advocate for our cause. Be proud. Don’t hide. Stand up and be counted. That is what we are all here for each other. And we should always strive to be the coolest old person someone knows. (www.facesandvoicesofrecovery.org/resources)
By Brenda
My addiction began when I was 13 after the death of my beloved mother and brother. I was lost in addiction for 21 years. The barriers to my recovery were unresolved grief, a lack of support (family/financial), and a lack of services. However, Recovery has given me the life that I deserved. Life now is richer in every way. I have healthy and rich family relationships; an interesting and gratifying career, a home, and a passion for helping others find their way out of difficulty.
By Hugh
In 2001 I was confronted for increasing alcoholic behavior - drinking at work (church) and a visible lack of ability to function. As a result, I went to Silver Hill Hospital in New Canaan, CT. The gifts I received there gave me the foundation of recovery that continues today. Much of my work as a priest reflects what I have learned from meetings, sponsors, reading and study. The wisdom I have discovered, as I see my Higher Power working through others, continues to be awesome.
In addition to my parish service I have begun a part time chaplaincy at my alma mater Silver Hill Hospital. As I walk the same paths on that campus today that I walked as a patient, I am daily reminded of the gifts of recovery. The acknowledgement that spirituality plays a major role in recovery by clinicians encourages my own ministry. I have discovered as chair of two diocesan committees on substance abuse education and support that education of clergy is critical to helping so many who are in harms way. I try to follow the example of William Moyers and others, in that - while the support group to which I belong and all who attend remain anonymous - I am open about my continuing recovery so I can teach, counsel and write – encouraging public awareness, clergy understanding and be an advocate for legislative support for parity in insurance coverage for addiction recovery and mental illness.
To that end my story and photo are in the 2006 National Recovery Month Materials. My name is Hugh and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic and thankful for the opportunity to share a bit of my story. (www.facesandvoicesofrecovery.org/resources)
